In December 2019, I made the biggest change of my life. I got married. Fast forward a few months ahead to March 2020, and then COVID-19 hits. You know how that went, the entire country was put on lock down and we were given orders to stay home. Many of us lost our jobs, many of us had to work remotely, including myself. And while COVID has had its toll on all our lives, and without trying to sound insensitive, COVID was a blessing for me as I got to keep my job remotely and move to another state to be with my husband who serves in the United States Army. I love everything about being a wife. And you know, I don’t even know where I’m going with this post, all I know is God put this on my heart and I felt I needed to share. I am in a season of transition (undergo a process or period of transition) and transformation (the process of changing) right now.
It is hard to wake up every day and sit at a computer that is two feet away from my bed. Not having any human contact until my husband comes home around 6pm. My days consist of work, cook, clean, do laundry, fold laundry, grocery shop, walk the dog, feed the dog, etc. Then guilt sets in when I am too tired to cook or too tired to fold the laundry or too tired to walk the dog. I even feel guilty when I want to eat something for dinner that he does not want. And don’t get me wrong, my husband does a great job helping around the house on days that are not so long at work for him and I am profoundly grateful for that. He is one in a million.
But those times where he has very busy weeks/months, how do I ask for more help around the house when he just spent his whole day at work? Am I a bad wife when I am too tired to cook for him on a Tuesday? I mean, why do I get to be tired when I am home all day?
Marriage has been the best decision I have ever made but I lost my self when I became a “stay-at-home wife”. Sometimes I forget that I am just as important and valuable, and I bring just as much to this marriage as he does. I got so caught up in wanting what he wants, wanting him to be happy and being a wife that I forgot to take care of me. I don’t even know what my hobbies are anymore. Being at home takes a toll on you, especially when you are subconsciously expected to keep up with the housework and dinner and all that fun stuff. Sometimes I feel like it is all I am good for these days. And though I know I am the reason for feeling this way, because my husband is great at reaffirming me and taking care of me, I am too hard on myself most times and I just want to be the best wife for him. I guess I just feel like I am not doing enough. Sometimes the world over looks stay-at-home wives or under values us, but God’s word tells us that we are made as helpers, co-workers with the home as a priority and a place of industry and hospitality. Women are to be fearless in the face of frightening things and submissive to their own husbands, to cultivate inward beauty over outward. And surrounding all these principles is the understanding that all she does is by, for, and through Christ.
So, for the past few months, I have been in a state of metamorphosis. God sat me down in a lonely place to get closer to him to show me how to be a Godly woman and wife. I remember praying for a break from real working life and God gave me that break. It has been an emotionally and mentally trying season for me. I’m learning to embrace it and take in everything he is teaching me in this season because I know very soon, I’ll need it once I break out of this cocoon, he has me in. God is telling me it is okay to rest, it is okay to take a break, it is okay to not want to cook dinner on Tuesday and order take out. But most importantly, it is okay to be a “stay-at-home wife” who gets tired too. One of the biggest take-aways to this is that although I am at home, my value is not less than any-one else and knowing that in caring for my home and husband, I know that I am pleasing God and he is using me in this season for his glory.
-Tiffany B
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